Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
