She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
