Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize