i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
