I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
no you cant smoke seaweed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
