I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
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I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
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A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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