He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
