Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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