You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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