Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
