Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
