i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
