Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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