how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
