Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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