This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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