just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
