It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize