I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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