Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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