I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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