What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
