We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize