A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
