I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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