508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
