Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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