Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
