I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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