I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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