I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
