I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
