margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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