I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
