honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
