Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
