ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
