It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
