U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
