i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
