I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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