Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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