i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
