He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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