i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
