I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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