You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
