Apparently you make a good broom.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
