Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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