I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
