two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
