i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
