Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
