I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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