we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
