you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
