im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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