He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
