the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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