I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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