no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
