As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And then my night got REAL pukey
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
