I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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